The real Onion

Posted 2010 Aug 31

Which is the real Onion headline?

  1. To Protest Hiring of Nonunion Help, Union Hires Nonunion Pickets
  2. Pay More Taxes Now
  3. Florida Marlins Delay Game until their Fans show up
  4. Norfolk Southern’s Century Bonds Roll

You may have seen the humorous (and often bawdy) Onion newspaper that used to be found just around college campuses but now is found in many locales. Their headlines can be pretty clever. Now even Main Street media seem to be using Onion-like headlines. Which headline is from the Onion? 

Headline #1 is from a Wall Street Journal article which details in Washington “… that the Mid Atlantic Regional Council of Carpenters is seeking paid demonstrators to march and chant in its current picket line outside the McPherson Building, an office complex here where the council said work is being done with non union labor.” Jobless recruits get minimum wage to ‘March around and sound off’. Picketers are paid $8.25 an hour. The union rate was not disclosed.  

Headline #2 is from a Forbes.com article. With record deficits and spending from all levels of government, and with the 2001 and 2003 tax rates set to expire on January 1, 2011, look for our tax rates at all levels to increase.  Perhaps recognizing how very fragile our economy is, Washington could vote to maintain the current rates through 2011. We can only hope.  In the meantime, check in with your attorney and accountant to discuss the best tax strategies for you. 

Headline #4 is a WSJ article about the August 23rd sale by Norfolk Southern of a 100 year bond.  Norfolk raised $250 million by selling debt that was added to an existing $300 million 6% debt issue that is due in 2105. The “new” paper was priced to yield 5.95%. Companies like McDonald’s (30 yr 4.875%, 10 yr 3.5%) and Wal-Mart (30 yr 4.875%) are taking advantage of what some managers have called the lowest rates in at least 15 years.  This is essentially what homeowners are doing by locking in record mortgage rates. 

Headline # 3 is the real Onion headline and just for fun. The markets don’t have to worry about buyers and sellers showing up; just which side the majority will be on during a given day.  I have a good idea that the markets and the Onion will continue to supply us with plenty of headlines.